Joseph: Stalking Myself

Joseph awoke promptly at 6:45am. His face scrunched as his right side rolled underneath him. He turned his face into the pillow and tried to position himself so that he could still breath while putting the majority of his face into the teal faded pillow case. It was one of

those comfy old pillows that is just soft enough yet never clumps to one end. The alarm was still sounding when his left arm threw itself towards the flat snooze button. His palm hit it soundly then rested on the top right corner of the shelf the alarm was resting on. Flexing his neck muscles, he lifted his head to gaze at the door to his room. It was an ugly beige color and wobbled when pushed because it was hollow. He proceeded to the bathroom.

The white baking powder brand toothpaste clawed at the “morning” in his mouth. The mirror was foggy from the running water in the bath tub. He stood on his scrawny hairy legs itching at the sort of hat-hair feeling from falling asleep with pants on, again. The floor began to accumulate moister. He spit a wad of “morning” into the sink and washed the bristles of the brush with his thumb. The water reached half way in the tub. He got in and thought he would close his eyes for a moment.

He awoke promptly at 7:00 am to the sound of water splashing onto the pink salmon colored tiles. He took a deep breath, which turned into a gasp for air. His hands clinched the sides of the tub as he sat up, keeping his eyes shut and mouth open. His fingers loosed from the sides of the tub to squeegee the water off his face and out of his eye. He leaned forward and stood up then laid back against the pink salmon tiles of the wall still regaining his breath. The side tile of the wall was as cold as the water. He pushed the knob into its holder and shut the water off.

Once he walked out of the bathroom to the space between the other rooms in the house he saw one of his three roommates. Joseph had a vendetta against this roommate. This roommate would consistently track water from the bathroom to the kitchen after his morning routines. This would not be such a big deal to Joseph compared to only a bother except for the fact that all the rooms in the house shared the same space between them and Joseph liked to walk around in his socks. He did this because he would put his shoes on at the door so as to not leave a mess around the house. He cared so passionately about this that he had made it a house rule. That and no ones’ mother was permitted to visit while he was home. He thought they had lost their sense of hearing from yelling at their sons all the time and hated loud talkers.

The other two roommates were bums and really didn’t get out of bed until later afternoon and the water from the water tracking roommate would be dry by then. So like gentlemen, Joseph and the roommate discussed their differences.

“Dude, I don’t see what the big deal is,” said his roommate shrugging his shoulder and looking at Joseph like he had a third eyebrow. He continued, “Just put your shoes on before you get to the door.”

“We have a house rule to keep our shoes at the door for a reason. Try to show just the least bit of consideration for others. Wipe your freaken’ ogar feet off after you take a shower,” growled Joseph.

“Step off man, no ones care about your stupid ‘house rules’,” mumbled the roommate. Joseph felt like an early childhood school teacher telling his kids to keep their hands to themselves. Or better yet, like the principal who has to talk to the teenager that just got kick out of band class for drawing penises on the chalk board.

“Whatever man, do whatever you want. Oh, you still owe me rent money, maybe your mom can pay that again,” Joseph said as he walked for the front door. The roommate mumbled some obscenities behind him.

Joseph was turning the bronze knob of the front door when he realized he wasn’t wearing any clothes, he wasn’t naked, just a little forgetful.


2 thoughts on “Joseph: Stalking Myself

  1. Fun. I enjoyed the transition between the narrator voice, which one might expect to mirror Joseph’s speaking voice, to the college idiom of the dialogue, and imagined that to be how Joseph speaks in order to relate to his peers.

    • Thanks for your feedback. I was using those concepts to show the irony of his youthful knowledge, being that he was not all too different from his roommates. Like falling asleep in the tub, using up all the hot water, and forgetting his clothes.

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