There’s so much to do. So much. I haven’t a clue,
how to hold the door open for the person behind me. I didn’t ask for them to find me. I didn’t ask for them. They ought to know better than to follow my heed. All I have in my heart is greed. Here I am; male, twenty-two and still struggling to be cool. I don’t know how to act when the pressure is on. I get sidetracked and pretend to be withdrawn. I don’t know how to dress. I’m really a mess.
You see I haven’t been training since it’s been raining. This isn’t my fight. I’m not the creative type. I didn’t go to art school. I don’t recognize these colors. I don’t have time to bless others. I’m preoccupied, don’t you see? Please don’t be cruel. Please let me be. I don’t know how to respect others. No one taught me such wonders. Doesn’t god help those who help themselves? And when I help myself there’s nothing left to bet; this is all I get. I made my claim at the start of this game. Can’t you see the rules are set in motion; no time to change direction. I’m as lost as you are in this ocean.
I worked hard for this paycheck. I had everything I needed, smothered with comfort and then depleted. Tell me, who are these others? I know my mother, father, sister, and brother, but never have I heard of these so needy others. I’m very busy can’t you see? I work diligently like a bumblebee, never stopping to take a knee.
I’d plead with you except I’d never let you see me bleed. It’s not that I’m prideful, it’s just that I’m doing things. I’m involved in so much. I trust you’ll understand my response when I blush. Perhaps when I’m done I can come by and say hey. But I’m tired of you now. I need to rest. You can find me on the sofa catching my breath.
As I attempt to enter into slumber, I reflect on the day and grow somber.
Dear God, there’s so much to do. So much. I haven’t a clue,
how to be patient when going through proverbial doors of life. I know I didn’t ask for them, but we all have strife. I have put greed before needs like deeds before seeds. I’ve forgotten that I too was planted and nourished before coming to bear fruit. My life began because of God. Before that I was dead or what I thought was just resting; not aware that the place I laid was the ocean floor. What good is there in me? What have I done to make myself free?
You see, I’ve been lazy and not so bold since the weather became cold. I’ve backed down because of apathy: The real reason I don’t try. I know my God is not here to fill my pockets with dope, but instead to fill my body, heart, and mind with hope. I know the game can indeed be changed. God did it before and broke the captives chains. Going a different direction is not out of reach. The rules have been set in motion, but with God my motion becomes devotion.
I didn’t labor intensely for that would be hard. Most of what I wanted was in my backyard. A little patch of grass to play in, some grilling on the patio, and beers to give me some cheers. I know the others. Although I don’t treat them as I ought to, they are my kin. I know their faces–their grin. I know them well. I’ve been in their places. They are around wherever I go. And whenever I get up they ostensibly show.
I’m begging you now. Can’t you see? I need your help. I’m ready to plead for your mercy, pick up my cross, and follow you to Calvary. I feel like it’s too little too late, but the truth is clear; you balance the scale and clear the slate.
Oh God please forgive me,
I don’t know where to start.
Oh God please help me,
I need a change of heart.
Good stuff Jacob! I’m challenged and inspired!
Thanks for the comment! I’m glad it did what it was supposed to do.
Jacob, Your writing is so genuine, meaningful and points me to Jesus! Write On, Terri
Terri! Thank you for the words of affirmation! I appreciate it so!
Your writings are addicting in the best way possible. This writing was aesthetically pleasing. The flow.. undeniable. Favorite line: “I have put greed before needs like deeds before seeds.” I have always envied those who can rhyme in their work. You do but with ease, it’s crazy cool cause I don’t notice the rhythm until I look back at the sentence and that’s because the words blend wonderfully together. Well done!
Wow, I truly appreciate the uplifting words. I try to do what you have described so that makes me very happy that you feel that way. I’m actually using this piece for a talent show at school. Hopefully I’ll have it memorized and prepared in time.